A Moment of Sorrow, A Moment of Rally

I follow a blog where the author often talks about rallying. A moment where you pull everything within you and charge ahead or a moment when you and the people you love gather together to charge ahead. Well, this past week has been all about rallying. My grandfather past away this past Thursday afternoon.

After writing that last sentence, I don't really know where to go from there. It's still hard to wrap my head around the idea.

I guess I could always start from the beginning. My grandfather was born and raised in Virginia. He had the typical country life. He was the oldest of 7 children, 6 boys and 1 girl. I don't know much about his childhood other than that his family was poor. He met my grandmother when her family moved down the road from his family. They didn't like each other at first, but eventually fell in love and got married. They had 5 children, 4 girls and 1 boy who died at birth. My grandfather had various jobs that included working in the coal mines and owning a country store, but they were poor. My grandfather was a hard, strict man. My mom and aunts used to tell us how scared they were of him. They said when they heard him coming home from work they would run and hide in their rooms. He was that way for a long time. I remember he used to always have this scowl on his face, almost as if he was always mad about something. He used to get after me and my cousins for everything. Don't run in the house, don't put your feet on the furniture, get your elbows off the table, be quiet, don't walk on the grass, stay away from the flowers. He didn't like anything us kids did.

Grandma and Grandpa

Then one day everything changed. My grandmother went to church every Sunday and Wednesday. And everytime she went she would ask my grandfather to come, but he always said no. One Wednesday night my grandmother left for church and left my grandfather in his usual chair. When she came home, she came home to a different man. God had been pulling on my grandfather's heart strings and after my grandmother had left that night, he called a friend of his and asked him if he could come to his church. That night he went down to the alter and gave his heart over to the Lord. And from that night on, my grandfather was a different man.

Grandpa reading the Bible

Through the years my grandfather had a lot of health problems. He was diagnosed with so many things, many being wrong. He's had numerous types of cancer, even having a part of his ear and nose cut off for cancer. Doctors eventually discovered he had leukemia. They tried treating it, but it spread over his whole body and they weren't able to do anything for him anymore. He was sent home with Hospice and a few days later passed.

1937-2010

I feel as if I've been on autopilot this past week. I've been in and out of the hospital, even spent the night when they thought he wouldn't make it through to the morning. My family has rallied together and has been such support to each other. The night before he passed, everyone got the call that he would be going soon. So everyone camped at my grandparents house in the living room where my grandfather was all night. I feel blessed to have the kind of family I do. We may not always get along, but when it really matters, we rally.

Cloud 3 in Pink

My husband always tells me that I'm good for him. He's the type of person that likes to float in the clouds while I have my feet firmly planted on the ground. He says I can always bring him back down to earth. I'm not sure if I was just born that way or through life's journeys I gradually became that way. That's not to say I don't have dreams and wishes. In fact, there's a part of me that likes to float on Cloud 3 every once in a while. And by floating on Cloud 3 I mean I get an inkling to have another baby, a baby girl. I love my boys more than anything and most days I feel complete. Then there are days, like today, I get a tug on my heart and dream about having a little girl.

My husband has 3 kids, a daughter from a previous relationship and our 2 boys. He says he doesn't want anymore, but he'd be willing to try for a girl if it was what I really wanted. I appreciate and find it awfully sweet that he would be willing to have another to fulfill my dream. But then there's that part of me that has my feet so rooted to the ground that makes me question the reality of having another. Can we afford another baby? Can I handle being a SAHM with 3 kids? How would it effect the boys? What if we were to have another boy? How would I feel? And with these questions come doubt and eventually I push the idea of having another baby to back of my mind once again.

I hate when people ask us if we are going to have another or if we are going to try for a girl. Our automatic answer is to look at them like they are crazy and tell them maybe in a few years. But behind that look is tinge of pain in my heart. Will we ever have another? Not just another, but a girl?  Right now I just don't know. What I do know is whatever happens, I'm eternally greatful for my boys. They are the light of my world and I can't imagine my life without them.

Addicted

I am so addicted to craft/DIY blogs. I literally lose myself in them, searching for my next great project. Though I often get a great idea, but never carry through with it. I love looking at what people can make. It really amazes and inspires me how crafty some people can be. And I really love when the things they make are made out of of pratically anything laying around the house or costs next to nothing. I wish I had an ounce of creativity these people have in their pinky.

I often read of how people pick things up from Goodwill and turn it into something fabulous. I don't know how many times I've gone to Goodwill looking for something to make my own, but I often only see it for what it is. I can't see how to turn it into something awesome.

BUT I was able to turn a drabby cork board I picked up from GW into a cool looking board for the boys room. This is one of my proudest achievements. A little paint, fabric, staples, buttons, ribbon, a hot glue gun, and presto.

Recently I found a really cool idea for some Christmas gifts. Check it out here. I've already bought the washers, stamping set, and makers. I just haven't attempted to try it yet. I might just have to give it a whirl today. I suppose that will be for a later post.

Some of my favorite craft blogs:

http://bunchofcraft.blogspot.com/

http://www.tipjunkie.com/ -this is a great one, it often accumulates a bunch of crafts from different blogs

http://firefliesandjellybeans.blogspot.com/

Halloween

I always picture the perfect Halloween as living somewhere you can actually tell it's fall. Leaves are on the ground, blowing every once in a while as the cool air whisps through. The sky filled with different shades of orange and yellow as the sun sets. Kids filling the street with all sorts of different costumes, carrying their bags or pumpkin buckets, laughing as they skip to the next house. Jack O Lanterns sitting on front porches, lit to welcome all the trick or treaters. This is something I've always wanted to experience and wanted my kids to experience. 

Even though we didn't get exactly that, I'd say we had a pretty awesome Halloween. This was the first year we took the boys trick or treating. Ben tired out pretty quickly, but Nicholas really loved it. We live out in the country so we had to go into town to a popular neighborhood. I wish I would have gotten a picture of all the cars lined up on the side of the roads in this neighborood. It was crazy. It seems as if everyone that lives somewhere you can't trick or treat had the same idea as us. But it made it all that more fun because with all the kids, it made it a little more like my perfect Halloween.

Buzz Lightyear and Woody (this was the hardest picture to get)

Ben was tiring out

When it's all over and the costume comes off, we're left with a silly boy

The Pumpkin Experience

My dad bought us a pumpkin to carve with the boys. This was the first time the boys had ever done it. We've never been into Halloween for personal reasons, but this year we wanted the boys to enjoy some of the fun. Nicholas found the inside to be yucky, but Ben had no problem reaching in and grabbing the pumpkin "guts".

As I was cutting the face out of the pumpkin, Ben picked up the carvings and stated gnawing at it. I figured he would find it nasty and spit it back out, but he just kept gnawing away.

When we moved into our previous apartment, we had to ask my mom to hang onto to our grill because we didn't have anywhere to put it. Once we signed the lease to our current place, we told my mom we could take our grill back. She had placed it under her patio out by her pool. When she went to get it she realized the weather had gotten to it and rusted it out. So as a house warming gift, she got us a new grill. While the boys and I carved the pumpkin, Rick tested out the grill. We had steaks, potatoes, and corn on the cobb.



I didn't realize it until I downloaded this picture, but Nicholas is pinching Rick on the neck.

This is a preview of what Nicholas' school pictures are going to look like.

Our pumpkin lite up at night.



Early Morning

I woke up early this morning from a bad dream. I hate bad dreams. I usually try to dismiss them and go back to sleep, but this one disturbed me. I layed in bed mulling the dream over in my head. Finally I decided to just get up. It was still dark out, so I turned on the TV to watch the news. A short time later I saw the light start peeking it's head out. So I grabbed my camera and headed out to the deck to watch the sun rise.

The cows were even still sleeping



Big Changes

I've been behind on my blogging, but for good reason. We moved! We are still renting and dreaming of the day we can finally buy our own house. But we are happy where we are right now and so glad to be out of the apartment life. We are out in the county and renting from a guy who owns 20 acres of property. I have a few pics to share of the new place, but it is still a work in progress. The boys are sick and sleeping, so I don't want to go back in the bedrooms area right now. And the kitchen is messy, I still haven't done the dishes from dinner last night.

The front part of the living room

The back part (where most of the remaining boxes are)

My favorite part, the deck

Our driveway

A view from the deck

Another view

Another change we are experiencing isn't such a good thing....BUGS. Living out in the county brings bugs. I'm not overly afraid of most bugs, but my one sworn enemy is the spider. I was bit by a poisonous spider when I was 12 and almost died from it. We have seen a couple spiders, which my husband has promised to kill any that we see, so far he's kept his promise. But our biggest issue has been mosquitos. They come out in swarms at night time. And for some reason they seem to escpecially like Ben.

You can see 2 bites on his cheek and one by his eye

Now we are trying to find a solution to the mosquitos. We noticed there is a bug zapper near our deck, but it's unplugged. We intend to ask our landlord (who is currently away in NC for 2 weeks) if he can hook it back up for us.

Another not so great new change is the boys being sick. I've considered myself pretty lucky because neither one of the boys have ever really been sick. Nicholas has had 2 fevers (the longest one lasting 24 hrs), a few snotty noses, but that's it. Then this week both boys have thrown up. Tuesday Ben threw up 3 times which consisted all of his breakfeast and lunch. This morning I woke up to Nicholas having thrown up in his bed and by his door. Ben seems to be fine now, but Nicholas doesn't feel like eatting much. All he'll really take is Gatorade. Hopefully it doesn't last long and it doesn't get passed to anyone else.

A few extras...

The camera as shaking because I was laughing

Redemption and the Goodwill Adventure

Rick and I watched a movie once called Redemption. It starred Jamie Foxx as Stan "Tookie" Williams, the founder of the Crips (LA based gang). There was a part in the movie where he goes to prison and the first thing he does when he walks into his cell is stretch out his arms as if to measure his freedom. The width of his cell walls were barely the length of his arms. He didn't have much freedom anymore.

Sometimes this apartment can start to feel that way. It becomes more of a prison than a home. The walls close in around me and I become irritated. I just want to strecth out my arms and feel a little freedom. So I told Rick that we really needed to get out of the house today. Once he got home from work and Ben got his nap, we got ready and headed out.

Nicholas in all his coolness

Ben just as sweet as can be

Ah, the open roads

We ended up going to one of my most absolute favoritest (word?) places. The once place that always pops in my mind when we talk about getting out of the house and going somewhere. The one place I never tire of...

Oh yes, that's a Goodwill

I absolutely love Goodwill. And not just any Goodwill, but this one. I've been to quite a few different Goodwill's, but none of them can top this place. I always feel as if I'm about to go treasure hunting when I approach this place. What does it have in store for me today? A beautiful blouse I can get dressed up in? That cool looking kitchen gadget I saw on TV and always wanted to try. Or maybe that CD I once had and used to play in my car while singing at the top of my lungs before someone "borrowed" it. We never walk out of there empty handed.

This was Nicholas most of the trip, crying or whining about something

Hehe, Ben and his Halloween wig hat

Where'd Ben go?

Tuckered out

Who knew Goodwill could put kids to sleep

In the end we found some really cool things. Among them: 5 books, a jacket for Nicholas, Bryan Adams Cd, a 4x6 pictuer frame, an Arthur book for Nicholas, Crayola washable paint set, and an awesome watering can. To top it all off, we spent less than $20. These are my favorite finds...

3 seemingly good books (all $1 each!)

An absolutely awesome watering can ($3!)

Dirty Room

Today Nicholas made a mess in his room and I asked him to pick it up. Now I'm not expecting him to vacuum, dust, make his bed, and clean his room to the nines. I take into account that he is a 3 year old little boy and he gets distracted by toys and sometimes even his little brother. But I do want him to learn he has to clean up after himself. I don't want him growing up thinking I'm his maid and I'll clean up whatever mess he makes. As long as he makes an attempt at picking up and puts some things away, I'll be happy with that.

So after I went to check his room, I found he had done a really good job. I was proud of him and I thanked him fo cleaning his room. Later in the day I was on the computer looking something up when I heard the boys in their room. I went to check on them and this is what I found...


10x worse than the mess he made earlier



He even took apart the drawers where we keep loose toys

And of course here's the ladder/slide/ramp

Ben doesn't understand what's the big deal

First of all, this confirms to me that they have way too many toys. ight now my dining room is covered in toys that I picked out to sell or giveaway. But from the looks of this, I need to do another sweep of their room. Secondly, it was like pulling teeth trying to get him to clean up this time. It literally took all night to get him to clean up. And in the end Daddy and Mommy had to do most of the work. Ah, we still have another 15 years....